Contents:

·         Cat

·         Caterpillar

·         Christmas When

·         Frankie Wankie

·         Junira Nations

·         Approaching Twenty

·         Mná

·         Joan Maguire

·         My Love Bites

·         Lily White Breast

·         Alan Mullally’s Song (Now I’m Leaving)

·         The Hero

·         Kim Bassinger’s Diet

·         Statue

·         The Great God Pan

·         Worms

·         Spare a Thought

·         Resolution

·         Jimmy Loves Mary

·         Books

·         In Slattery’s

·         Krunchy and Milady

·         The Da

·         The Great Six-O

·         My Garden

·         Female Modes of Dress (or The Miniskirt)

·         Good Morning

·         The Dance in the Village Hall

·         Typing Section

·         Vacant Mood

·         Do You Yen for a Feel

·         Obsessed

·         Silver Wedding

·         Corrakit

·         The Civil Servant

·         The New Daughter of Houlihan

·         Mayo in July

·         Home Computers

·         Lewinsky

·         Jacussy

·         Tit Shaking

·         Paddy Macaroni

·         Hour on a Bean

The Outrageous Poems of Krunchie Killeen:

FRANKIE WANKIE

Frankie Wankie is not my name.

Would you call me Krunchie, please, for shame!

And explain what is it; what’s your game,

That you called me Frankie Wankie?

I have never wanked and that’s for sure,

Except once or twice when immature.

I’d rather ride a riddled whoore

Than waste my seed a’ wanking.

All the ladies know that I am great

Everywhere I go they line up and wait,

Each one wishing with me to mate,

So, I have no need of wanking.

And every night, when I hit the sack,

My hands are tied behind my back.

Ipso facto: it’s a proven fact,

They can’t be used for wanking.

If the fences now you wish to mend,

And you want once more to be my friend,

Solemnly you must agree

Not to call me Frankie Wankie.

Copyright

You may copy the poems for your own amusement, but you may not distribute or perform any poem publicly or for reward until you have obtained my consent.

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