Contents:

·         Cat

·         Caterpillar

·         Christmas When

·         Frankie Wankie

·         Junira Nations

·         Approaching Twenty

·         Mná

·         Joan Maguire

·         My Love Bites

·         Lily White Breast

·         Alan Mullally’s Song (Now I’m Leaving)

·         The Hero

·         Kim Bassinger’s Diet

·         Statue

·         The Great God Pan

·         Worms

·         Spare a Thought

·         Resolution

·         Jimmy Loves Mary

·         Books

·         In Slattery’s

·         Krunchy and Milady

·         The Da

·         The Great Six-O

·         My Garden

·         Female Modes of Dress (or The Miniskirt)

·         Good Morning

·         The Dance in the Village Hall

·         Typing Section

·         Vacant Mood

·         Do You Yen for a Feel

·         Obsessed

·         Silver Wedding

·         Corrakit

·         The Civil Servant

·         The New Daughter of Houlihan

·         Mayo in July

·         Home Computers

·         Lewinsky

·         Jacussy

·         Tit Shaking

·         Paddy Macaroni

·         Hour on a Bean

The Outrageous Poems of Krunchie Killeen:

FEMALE MODES OF DRESS

(or THE MINISKIRT)

(We were taught that the purpose of sex was procreation and that any sexual activity outside of marriage was sinful. Every year at the Mission, a priest dedicated an entire sermon to advising the ladies to be modest in their attire and not to provoke male passions.)

Is it any wonder

Sex inundates the nation,

When so many of our women

Are so provocative and brazen?

For, is it not their purpose

To make the fellows rise,

When sexy women show

A bare display of thighs?

Is it not their aspiration

Men's passions to arouse,

When they flaunt a swollen bosom

Behind a flimsy blouse?

Yes! We've seen too often

In public places

Half-clothed hussies

Show their traces.

It is high time, gentlemen,

For us to make a stand

Against this flood of immodesty

That sweeps across the land.

Let us call upon the government

To take action to suppress

For once and all certain

Female modes of dress.

No more allow lithe lassies

To lure lads into sin

By display of any length of leg

At all, above the shin.

Let's call upon the Government

To ban revealing slits

And any styles that emphasise

Buttocks, thighs or tits.

Yes! Ban revealing slits,

And be ever on alert

To pre-empt every attempt

To revive the mini-skirt:

That shameful style of dress,

High above the knees, -

Not even knicker cover

In a little breeze!

Not even knicker cover,

When breeze there is not,

On bus-stairs and escalator,

Where they display - the lot!

My eyes I keep averted,

But I know that there are scores

Of lads who've been subverted

By such sights in Roche’s Stores.

My eyes I keep averted,

Yet I cannot help but see,

And their little, flimsy knickers

Cause turmoil inside of me.

My eyes I keep averted,

So, what damage must be done

To those dirty, sexy, bowsies,

Who peek and glare for fun!

So, brothers, let's take action.

This immodesty must stop!

Let each of us preach morality

To his own mot.

Yes! To your own mot!

And your women folk most near!

Make your sexy sisters

Wear more modest gear.

Let's tolerate no more

Our mothers and our aunts

To be prancing round the town

In those horrible hot pants.

Let's make them search the attic

For the bloomers granny wore:

Make them cover up their bodies

As in moral days of yore.

Copyright

You may copy the poems for your own amusement, but you may not distribute or perform any poem publicly or for reward until you have obtained my consent.

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